Hello and welcome to my blog, One Artist’s Journey.
My name is Shaun Ellsworth. Please allow me to tell you a story that deals with being an artist…
I have aspired to be an artist since I was a little kid. As a child, that talent was nurtured by my parents. I had a great time.
I remember drawing Disney TM character posters and selling them to my friends at elementary school. I won a Bank of America art award in later grades. I painted a mural on a wall at my high school. I also painted the backdrops for Homecoming dances and Proms. All signs pointed to a promising career as an artist.
Later, as I was approaching high school graduation, the usual questions of “What do you want to be?” kept popping up. Dad asked one day and when I answered with, “I want to be an artist.” He asked the inevitable, “How are you going to make a living as an artist?”
Hmmmm. That made me think.
I thought I could be a commercial artist or a graphic artist, but maybe I should study business..
Attempt as a Business Major
I have always had a business streak. My father was a veterinarian and was “self-employed.” I thought that was the coolest thing and wanted to be self employed myself. I liked business, so when I went to college in Hawaii, I started as a business major.
However, a business major must complete a lot of math and I don’t particularly care for math. I realized I could use my Japanese language skills that I had gained in Japan and could always get a job, so why not study what I always wanted to and study art? So I did.
And I loved it! I got my Bachelor of Fine Art at BYU-Hawaii, with an emphasis in Painting and Ceramics.
It took me 3 years at school to finally be able to call myself an “artist.” Saying, “I am an art student” is easy, but for some reason, I felt that the title “Artist” had to be earned. I had 3 solo shows, was in the juried show for college students in Hawaii every year I was there. I even won an award one year. I was in all the college shows and even had work in a local gallery.
After graduation, I went back to Japan (I had lived there for 6 years before college) and apprenticed to a famous regional (Echizen) ceramist. I worked with her for a year and we did 2 firings in her climbing chambered kiln. It was a great experience.
Life After Art
Upon returning to the states, I started work as a graphic artist at a marketing agency and told myself that I was being creative AND making money. Dad would be proud.
I have been a graphic artist, an illustrator at a newspaper, a web designer and an internet marketing specialist in the years since college, but I haven’t really been an “artist.”
I lost my latest job as “Internet Marketing Specialist” at a national home developer when the housing market crashed. I formed a marketing company with a good friend after that, but still the picture is incomplete. I hadn’t found “IT.”
While reading a book called “How To Make a Living Without a Job,” I realized what I have been fighting most of my life. The author says to find your passion, find what you would love to do all day even if you didn’t get paid. I kept thinking about things I enjoy, but always discounted art, because I didn’t want to be a starving artist and I thought it was self-indulgent.
I have a family now and to drop everything an only do art would be “selfish” and generally viewed as “bad” by society.
The Epiphany
But you know what? The other day I had an epiphany.
My mother dropped by and we had a wonderful visit. While we were talking, we discussed the books we were both reading. During our discusion, I realized several things:
1) We are all unique. Not everyone wants to be an artist. I had always just figured that everyone wants to sit around all day painting pictures and expressing themselves. I realized that most people don’t have that as their passion like I do. I thought I would be selfish doing what I wanted while no one else got to.
2) Even if I decided to be a “starving artist,” It wouldn’t be a huge change because I had essentially been unemployed for 2 years already! Financially, If I decided to buckle down and create and sell art, my family’s situation wouldn’t change all that much. That relieved a mountain of pressure.
3) All I really needed to do was give myself permission to be an artist again. It seems I had a hang up about calling myself an artist again. Why shouldn’t we do what our passion is? If we can do our passion and make money at it, wouldn’t the world be a beautiful place? I am hoping that it really is that simple.
Live With Passion
Just imagine if everyone could do their passion. Some people love running a business. Some people love it when a plan comes together. Some like generating ideas for others to implement. Others like to implement good plans. Some people like to make others happy and ease their burdens. Some like to create art or music or write. And aren’t we glad there are great musicians and performers? Aren’t we glad there are great and engaging writers?
Why shouldn’t I do what my passion is and use the talents that I believe I have been given?
I think I have been fighting my nature because I didn’t want to be self-indulgent and do what I really love doing.
Sounds weird when I write it down.
But really, how many of us are afraid of our dreams? How many of us aren’t doing what we really want to do? We would love to do something, but we worry… what if it doesn’t work? What if I can’t do it? What if I look stupid. I don’t know who said it, but most of us die with our songs still in us. I think that is sad enough to make me cry.
100 paintings in 100 days
I have decided to take a stand, and last week I made my mind up to be an artist. Right now, I have way to many pans in the fire to drop everything else (and I promised my beautiful wife that I wouldn’t) but I decided to paint at least one painting a day through the end of the year. It is about 100 days, but the “100 paintings in 100 days” idea was already taken, so I will do over 100 paintings in less than 100 days. How is that?
This is so liberating and I will work hard to make it a success.
So let me lay the ground rules of what I am doing here.
I counted out the calendar and from Labor Day 2009 to New Years Eve is exactly 100 days if you don’t count Sundays. I will paint at least 6 paintings a week through New Years. They will be small. I am thinking about a foot square, simply to conserve on paint.
They will be for sale, but that isn’t the point. This first 100+ paintings is to find my inner artist again. I will post them in this blog and if you are interested in getting one, just email me.
If you have read all the way down to here, I congratulate and thank you from the bottom of my heart. This will be an interesting ride.
I hope you find your passion and use it. Please check back and see how I am doing and what I have come up with. I will post my failures as well as my successes, so it might be entertaining for that reason. Who knows. Here we go…
